PSYCHOLOGY OF SEX: INHIBITED ORGASM
The inability to have an orgasm is very common in women and very uncommon in men. It is the most common reason for women to seek sex therapy. About one-third of women experience inhibited orgasm. Up to 10 percent of women have never had an orgasm. This is called anorgasmia. Most women with inhibited orgasm have previous; reached orgasm during sexual intercourse, but no longer can. They may be able to have an orgasm while masturbating, but not during intercourse with their partners. Some women may not even know they can have an orgasm. Many women with anorgasmia enjoy their sexual experience and do not feel that orgasm is important for their sexual pleasure. Often, women are unable to reach orgasm during intercourse because intercourse does not last long enough, stimulation by the penis is not effective, or there is not enough manual stimulation of the clitoris by the woman or her partner. Inhibited orgasm is the failure to reach orgasm even though there has been sufficiently intense stimulation.
Inhibited orgasm in men is often called retarded, or delayed, ejaculation. These are somewhat misleading terms, however, because ejaculation and orgasm are different events, although they most commonly occur at the same time. In fact, some men with inhibited ejaculation have orgasms without ejaculating. Inhibited ejaculation and orgasm can be very frustrating for both partners. It may take a man with delayed ejaculation up to 40 minutes of thrusting before he can ejaculate. For some men, ejaculation is entirely inhibited. Men with inhibited orgasm may “try harder” to ejaculate and reach orgasm. This will only make matters worse. Inhibited ejaculation is more common among gay men than it is among straight men.
Some women and men who have inhibited orgasm believe that the best way to end sex play or please their partners is fake orgasm. Ultimately, however, this kind of deception is not healthy, especially in a committed relationship. It may become a habit that leads to diminished sexual pleasure, and the partner of the “faker” may never learn how to help her or him reach orgasm.
Certain medications and physical conditions can also inhibit orgasm in women and men. The most common reasons for inhibited orgasm are sexual guilt, shame, performance anxiety, anger with the partner, and spectatoring. Fear of causing pregnancy can inhibit ejaculation and orgasm in men.
Masturbation can help anorgasmic women to reach orgasm. Fantasy, relaxed sex play, and open communication between partners may help some women and men overcome inhibited orgasm. Psychosexual therapy may be beneficial to others.
Most us will experience inhibited orgasm from time to time. Like occasional inhibited arousal, this as a normal part of our sex lives. We need not become so anxious about it that we make sex less pleasurable for ourselves than it might be.
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