SEXUAL COMMUNICATION: WHEN YOU’RE READY TO TALK
If your partner is uncomfortable or is not ready to talk about sex, let him or her know that you understand that these are difficult topics to discuss, and that whenever he or she is ready to talk about them, you are ready to talk, too. But let your partner know that you don’t want to have sex until you have had this discussion.
When you and your partner do have the discussion, keep in mind that what you want is a dialogue, in which both of you can express your feelings on these topics. Blanket or judgmental statements—such as “Everyone who has sex without a condom is stupid”—rarely lead to an open discussion. Try to be honest about your own thoughts and goals. Don’t say things to impress your partner. Use “I” statements (such as “I would like to use a condom”); they allow you to express your feelings openly and clearly. Then you can ask your partner about his or her feelings, using open-ended questions such as “What are your thoughts?” If you are having this conversation, the odds are that both you and your partner have been thinking about these issues and want to find out specific information about each other. Answering the questions listed here will provide the information that you will want to have before beginning a new sexual relationship. It is important to be honest. Intentionally misleading your partner will only weaken the foundation upon which your relationship is based.
Rather than reading the questions off like a laundry list, or interrogating your partner in a way that makes him or her uncomfortable, you may want to cover these topics in the course of your conversation. However you and your partner go about discussing these subjects, you should plan to get answers to the following questions:
1. How many sexual partners have you had in the past?
2. Have you had any partners of the same sex?
3. Have you ever had unprotected sex with a partner?
4. Have you ever used injection drugs? Did you ever share needles?
5. Have you ever received a transfusion of blood or blood products? (The U.S. blood supply began to be screened for HIV in 1985; the risk of acquiring HIV infection from blood transfused since 1985 is very low.)
6. Have you ever been tested for sexually transmitted infections?
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