SUPER MARITAL SEX/ COURTING SEXUAL PROBLEMS: SEXUAL INTERCOURSE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Sexual intercourse between men and women is constructive only within marriage. Courtship should include talking, kissing, cuddling, holding, sex play, mutual masturbation, and intense physical interaction, but not sexual intercourse. We should tell them so. Young adults would have to learn to energize the courtship sequence with feelings, thoughts, and touch rather than coitus. They would then select better partners for better sex that allows a total sexual system commitment.

It is pure myth to assume that practice with many different partners makes for good sex with a given partner. Sex is not like tennis. Practice does not make perfect in sex, it only leads to more practice. If we see sexual intercourse as the ultimate form of intimacy, it belongs in the ultimate committed relationship. If we see intercourse as some type of casual recreational activity, it belongs only in casual relationships and has little to do with bonding. I believe, and the thousand couples believed, that intercourse means much more than recreation, that it belongs in committed relationships. Open, more vulnerable courtship free of the “it” factor, the intercourse factor, will help us to find better partners for lasting super marriage and change courtship from a training ground for divorce to an opportunity for the learning of intimacy.

It is interesting to note that Masters and Johnson and other sex therapists almost always tell their couples in treatment to stop having intercourse, to become re-acquainted on deeper and broader personal levels before moving on to the intimacy of sexual intercourse. I suggest that we use this recommendation for our courtship patterns as well. A little preventive sex therapy couldn’t hurt.

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